![]() ![]() So when you think about it, Drake is actually Drake’s ideal girlfriend.īut if you only have four minutes and 27 seconds to really understand Drake’s approach to the fairer sex, look no further than “Hotline Bling.” In addition to being the Drake-iest music video that Drake has ever Draked-that turtleneck! those over-confident Bar Mitzvah boy dance moves!-“Hotline Bling” fully outlines Drake’s problem with women. He essentially spent seven years waiting for Rihanna to take him seriously. When his girl goes to the club to have some fun with her friends, he stays up all night in the studio rapping about how she did him dirty. In actuality, he’s cheering for Serena Williams from the sidelines and scrolling through his camera roll looking for old pictures of him and Rihanna. Drake likes to act like he’s out touring the world with an ex-stripper in his compound and Nicki Minaj in his passenger seat. In common parlance, Drake has become shorthand for a sensitive dude who will build a home for himself in your friend zone. Basically, Drake has relationship dysmorphia-he sees himself as an alpha male, but consistently plays the role of stay-at-home hubby. Of course, the greatest irony of Drake’s ill-informed savior complex is that he’s not really the baller he thinks he is. Drake, who has supported and dated strippers for years, seems to think that calling a woman a stripper is an insult-which, in and of itself, is pretty insulting. Given his fetish for raising up fallen women, it was only a matter of time before he opened the world’s most chivalrous strip club.Ĭlearly, Drake is trying to create an R-rated home base for men like Drake-dudes who claim to put women on pedestals, but low-key don’t want them working on one. ![]() Drake’s love of women is rivaled only by his penchant for citing proper nouns.ĭrake is also obsessed with saving women, buying them things, and footing their tuition bills. ![]() There’s Courtney from Hooters on Peachtree, Porsche from Treasures, Maliah and Chyna. On “Energy,” Drake cites a different exotic dancer-his “ex-girl, who’s the stripper version of me.” On “Company,” Aubrey asks a new stripper to come visit him after her shift is over by the middle of the song, he’s contemplating a proposal to yet another woman. Drake wants to literally separate you from your entire family and transplant you to his mansion so you can entertain him and clean his house, like a refugee sex Roomba. Drake wants all of the sex appeal with none of that “actually supporting yourself and making a living” nonsense. In fact, he prefers a former stripper to a working girl. Much like a Bachelor franchise contestant, Drake doesn’t see unemployment as a deal breaker. On “Legend,” he raps, “Got a girl, she from the South / Used to work, used to dance in Texas, now she clean the house.” It only takes a passing knowledge of Drake’s music-the kind you get from going to the club once, going to your local bodega once a week, or just leaving your house-to realize that this lyric encapsulates Drake’s ideal woman. If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, Drake’s 17-track paean to women, Canada, and more women, shouts out at least 12 different, fully-fleshed ladies-all of whom exist for the express purpose of sleeping with, taking care of, and/or texting Drake. ![]() Asking if the erstwhile Aubrey Graham likes strippers is like asking if Lil’ Wayne likes lean, or if Kanye likes outfitting women in neutral-toned, skintight athleisure sets. Drake has spent his entire career putting women who dance on pedestals on pedestals. ![]()
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